I can't believe that 3 weeks have gone by since I left Lot 218 to come to Spain. Before leaving I was nervous and scared of what awaited me and now it is behind me. It is crazy how we spend so much time worrying about the future and all that happens is the future becomes the past. Perhaps instead of dwelling on these two things we need to really focus on the present and leave the rest up to God.
Last Sunday I found myself at the Royal Palace here in Madrid sitting in the garden reading 'Ocean Star'. As I was reading the book it hit me that God really does have me in His hands... just as he had Christina in His hands. No matter what we do He is always there... No matter what our plans might be He is the one with the ultimate plan. Christina went through horrible things as a child, as an adult, but yet she was thankful for them all when she came to see what God was working at in her life. You know, we complain so much about things that happen in our lives... especially when they do not go our way but as we do that we are blocking our view of what is to come, of what God has waiting for us.
Last year, I was so devastated that I wasn't able to do a summer program, like I had for the past 4 years. Sure I was taking a few classes at the Graham School but I really couldn't see how that would help me.... All my friends were doing great things with their summers that would surely up their game in dance and what was I doing?? I tried to make the most of what was in front of me but I was definitely not a happy camper and I was beginning to question what God was doing.
Today as I look back at that time I can only say thank you God for being the one over my life's journey. The teacher that has made it possible for me to be here taught me Graham this year... the same technique that I learned last summer for three weeks... the same technique that I needed to work on. In those weeks on my own in NYC last summer I learned to be more confident, to just go for it and I grew as a young lady and dancer. But I couldn't see that then! But I am thankful that I can see it now and that I have learned from that experience. If only I could have known that all that has happened would have happened then perhaps I would have worked even harder and gotten even better results. But that is just it, God wants us to be anxious for nothing.... we just have to live life as it comes and listen intently for His commands and directions for our life. It is better for us to really be in the moment- the present- than dwelling on the past or the future. It is better for us to look at life as a kaleidoscope of colours- with God controlling which colour (road) is next for you.
Being here in Madrid I have had a lot of time to just sit alone and think. And I have never felt so free when I dance. I think it is because my mind is emptied in my moments alone and then I am free to feel what ever comes when I move without being bogged down with thoughts that have been lingering for a while. Although it has sucked to be alone for the most part I am thankful that I have had these precious moments that are so rare when I am at school. I haven't cried in 3 weeks and although this could be due insufficient liquids in my diet and too much salt, I think it is something more than that. This is the most at home that I have felt when I dance... perhaps I am beginning to find that inner peace that allows an artist to become their art form... idk... but I like this feeling... it is strange because sometimes over these past 3 weeks I have felt like I wasn't working as hard as I usually do.... and then I thought about what some of my teachers at Juilliard have been telling me (and many other people): Julia you work too hard! You need to just find the joy and the simple pleasure of dancing. It is not meant to be a burden. Yes it will be challenging but it should make you feel happy on the inside. It should make you smile.
I have to say my heart is smiling so much right now! I can't describe it but I just know now more than ever that what I am doing is what I am meant to do. I may not be the best technique wise but I have a passion and a drive for something that has the power to change those around me. After the performance on Friday my Spanish Dance teacher whispered in my hear: "Tu es un verdadero artista."
- "You are a true artist." I didn't know what to say but my eyes filled with tears... and that was the first time that I cried in 3 weeks... Just hearing those words (which I understood as she said them!!) has given me the inspiration to continue on this journey that I have found myself. Every time I dance I hope to touch one person... and sometimes I might not know that I have touched them but sometimes God shows us the rewards of our hard work, perhaps so that we don't become discouraged, rather that we become encouraged to continue to live for His Kingdom.
I couldn't see myself trading this experience for any other in the world... These three weeks have taught me so much. But my greatest lesson has been that I AM NOT ALONE... AND GOD NEVER LEAVES ME! and HE NEVER LEAVES YOU! We've got to learn that He is in control and that sometimes we just need to play the background. There is a song that Joy sent to me that pretty much sums it all up. Here are some of the lyrics that spoke to me the most:
It's evident You run the show, so let me back down.
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background.
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to Your script, and I'm reading all Your signs.
I don't need my name in lights.
I don't need a starring role.
And why gain the whole wide world, if I'm just gon' loose my soul.
And my ways ain't purified, I'll live according to Your Word.
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard.
I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will and trust Your word.
And I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred.
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games.
Got plenty aims, but do they really glorify Your name?
And it's a shame the way I want to do these things for You, yet,
Don't even cling to You. Take time to sit and glean from You.
It seems that You were patient in my ignorance.
If ignorance is bliss, its cause she never heard of this.
(Background by Lecrae)
God has got an amazing plan for me life... and I will patiently wait to see what it is, yet each day growing stronger and wiser in His will!
Sunday 24 July 2011
Monday 11 July 2011
Week 2... Day one
Today was an okay day... I was still a bit tired from last week but had to push through the day. I think it was more than just being tired... I was really missing the amazing friendships that I have...
I went to dinner by myself last night and all I could think about was all the people that I would so rather be sitting down with and having a good conversation with. And I guess that kind of carried over to this morning when I walked to the subway station on my own. Being here is showing me the great value of my real friends... though they may be few. But you know it is better a few really good keepers than many who will simply toss you away. I haven't spoken to Briana in over a week now and I am pretty much dying... just because she is one of the people who reminds me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... and I can be sure to always have a good time with her.
I don't know why, but it is always the second week that you feel homesick or you feel alone... perhaps it is because you have gotten over the new place... and you realise that you still have quite sometime to go in this place that is so far way from your loved ones. Even though I have had to deal with this before I am certainly no master of it but at least today I haven't cried... well yet! Its not that I am not having fun or learning a load of stuff, its just that when you spend time alone you mind begins to wander... and all I can think about is friendships this past couple of days.
I've been thinking about how blessed I truly am, to have friends like Briana, Marcus, Marlon and Abbie for example who help to build me up and not tear me down... who support me and not criticize me (in a negative way)... friends who understand and appreciate me for who I am. And then how more blessed I am to have a relationship with God... that one is the best of all... Despite my wavering tendencies (as well all have our moments) God has never left me nor will He ever forsake me! How crazy is that!!! Here (well everywhere) I see people change how they 'feel' about someone depending on the circumstance or even worse if that person is or is not in front of them. God never changes and even when we might change He accepts us and waits so patiently! And even though my real friends are not perfect like God they are honest with me and are patient with me... most of the time! :)
Okay so I was just suppose to be telling you how my day went... lol but I guess this was really what was on my mind.... you know as they say... "the heart says what the heart has to say"... well actually I don't think that is a saying but hey! I'll make it one!
Well that is all I have to say for now.... well and that I love you all very much!
Jules!
I went to dinner by myself last night and all I could think about was all the people that I would so rather be sitting down with and having a good conversation with. And I guess that kind of carried over to this morning when I walked to the subway station on my own. Being here is showing me the great value of my real friends... though they may be few. But you know it is better a few really good keepers than many who will simply toss you away. I haven't spoken to Briana in over a week now and I am pretty much dying... just because she is one of the people who reminds me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... and I can be sure to always have a good time with her.
I don't know why, but it is always the second week that you feel homesick or you feel alone... perhaps it is because you have gotten over the new place... and you realise that you still have quite sometime to go in this place that is so far way from your loved ones. Even though I have had to deal with this before I am certainly no master of it but at least today I haven't cried... well yet! Its not that I am not having fun or learning a load of stuff, its just that when you spend time alone you mind begins to wander... and all I can think about is friendships this past couple of days.
I've been thinking about how blessed I truly am, to have friends like Briana, Marcus, Marlon and Abbie for example who help to build me up and not tear me down... who support me and not criticize me (in a negative way)... friends who understand and appreciate me for who I am. And then how more blessed I am to have a relationship with God... that one is the best of all... Despite my wavering tendencies (as well all have our moments) God has never left me nor will He ever forsake me! How crazy is that!!! Here (well everywhere) I see people change how they 'feel' about someone depending on the circumstance or even worse if that person is or is not in front of them. God never changes and even when we might change He accepts us and waits so patiently! And even though my real friends are not perfect like God they are honest with me and are patient with me... most of the time! :)
Okay so I was just suppose to be telling you how my day went... lol but I guess this was really what was on my mind.... you know as they say... "the heart says what the heart has to say"... well actually I don't think that is a saying but hey! I'll make it one!
Well that is all I have to say for now.... well and that I love you all very much!
Jules!
Sunday 10 July 2011
Week One is Complete!
So first of all sorry about skipping a few days with the blogging.... When in after dancing I am too tired to think! But now that it is the weekend, and I have had more than 24 hours that my brain can just relax I can give you an update.
The last couple of days have been quite good! Each day I feel like I am learning so much more and really beginning to execute movement in the way that the teachers wish. My favourite class has been Horton with Michael... he is quite nice and listens very well to his students... not just when they seek but he can tell when we are tired or when we can go longer etc. So being in his class I really feel like I am really being pushed to my highest and most efficient ability. (if that makes any sense). I havent done Horton in quite some time now and now I dont know how I was living without it! LOL
Rehearsals have also been going very well. I thought I was going to be a disaster in the Balanchine piece but as long as I just calm down and break down the movement in my head I can get it done. I think that is my biggest thing... being able to stay calm so that I can really think about what I am doing. Before, I would just see the movement but not take the time to see how it is all connected.... what is the cause of the movement- or as Eva says: "Think about the motor!" Eva is teaching us the Nacho Duato piece that is quite earthy and fluid and yet has such a powerful impact on the audience, and I also believe on the dancer. Since working on this piece for 4 days I have found a peace in my dance (that calmness I was talking about) that allows me to try anything that is thrown at me. Eva keeps saying: "Not anxious! Not anxious!" and at first I was confused... but as I watched her move I began to understand what she meant. This piece is not just a dance but a lesson of life... that sometimes we are tired but we still have to go on. And the way we do that is to find serenity so that we can breathe a little easier, move a little easier, and be anxious for nothing. Both the Balanchine and Nacho piece have an element of 'tiredness' or serenity in the movement. I have worked this year on being stronger, and more 'hard hitting" with movement and now I am doing just the opposite. It is funny how things can come full circle!
Its the weekend and I am just too tired to really do anything. Yesterday I slept in until about 12 or so and then spent some time later in the day just walking around. I ended up in a shopping area where I got some good candy! Gummies!!! :) and then made my way back to the Hostel. And today I was going to go to the museum but my eyes are heavy and I know I have another long week ahead of me so I just grabbed some lunch at a little pizza place around the corner... and the owner was from Cuba! "We are neighbours!" he said! LOL. And he spoke passionately about the Cubana Airlines crash in 1976 and that he was grateful for the monument that was erected in memory of all the passengers but he was quite angry that the person responsible is still walking free in Miami. (Of course that convo was all in English!)
Meeting him just made me think how small the world really is... that we maybe be born in one part of the world but can go on to live lives in another part! I think it is quite cool!
The last couple of days have been quite good! Each day I feel like I am learning so much more and really beginning to execute movement in the way that the teachers wish. My favourite class has been Horton with Michael... he is quite nice and listens very well to his students... not just when they seek but he can tell when we are tired or when we can go longer etc. So being in his class I really feel like I am really being pushed to my highest and most efficient ability. (if that makes any sense). I havent done Horton in quite some time now and now I dont know how I was living without it! LOL
Rehearsals have also been going very well. I thought I was going to be a disaster in the Balanchine piece but as long as I just calm down and break down the movement in my head I can get it done. I think that is my biggest thing... being able to stay calm so that I can really think about what I am doing. Before, I would just see the movement but not take the time to see how it is all connected.... what is the cause of the movement- or as Eva says: "Think about the motor!" Eva is teaching us the Nacho Duato piece that is quite earthy and fluid and yet has such a powerful impact on the audience, and I also believe on the dancer. Since working on this piece for 4 days I have found a peace in my dance (that calmness I was talking about) that allows me to try anything that is thrown at me. Eva keeps saying: "Not anxious! Not anxious!" and at first I was confused... but as I watched her move I began to understand what she meant. This piece is not just a dance but a lesson of life... that sometimes we are tired but we still have to go on. And the way we do that is to find serenity so that we can breathe a little easier, move a little easier, and be anxious for nothing. Both the Balanchine and Nacho piece have an element of 'tiredness' or serenity in the movement. I have worked this year on being stronger, and more 'hard hitting" with movement and now I am doing just the opposite. It is funny how things can come full circle!
Its the weekend and I am just too tired to really do anything. Yesterday I slept in until about 12 or so and then spent some time later in the day just walking around. I ended up in a shopping area where I got some good candy! Gummies!!! :) and then made my way back to the Hostel. And today I was going to go to the museum but my eyes are heavy and I know I have another long week ahead of me so I just grabbed some lunch at a little pizza place around the corner... and the owner was from Cuba! "We are neighbours!" he said! LOL. And he spoke passionately about the Cubana Airlines crash in 1976 and that he was grateful for the monument that was erected in memory of all the passengers but he was quite angry that the person responsible is still walking free in Miami. (Of course that convo was all in English!)
Meeting him just made me think how small the world really is... that we maybe be born in one part of the world but can go on to live lives in another part! I think it is quite cool!
Tuesday 5 July 2011
Nacho and Balanchine
So today was only the 2nd day but I feel like I have been here for so long... maybe it is because we have already danced for a total of 16 hours over the past two days!!!!!!!!! It's crazy but I secretly LOVE IT!! For a dancer it is a good day when you are sore and a good sore all over because it means that you have really worked your entire body! Making every movement count for something. I dont think I have danced this FULL in a while... it is such a good feeling! I just can't help but smile!!! :)
Today we started with a Horton Class (Modern) which as I told you is intense on the core... so first thing in the morning I wasn't sure how it was going to go but it went well! I am really trying to get details details on everything I do here... whether it be the eye focus, the body positioning, the initiation because I want to go away from this havig really learnt so much that it is not just in my head but it is also in my muscle memory. That way I will be able to apply it to everything I do when I leave Spain.
We started rehearsal for our final performance today. It is crazy how things work out... when I say that I wasnt in one of the pieces that I wanted to be in I was a little disappointed this morning. But after going to the rehearsals ( I am in two pieces) I realised that I am actually in two pretty historical pieces! One by George Balanchine and the other by Nacho Duato.... for those none dancers they are two amazing men in the dance world! And I cant believe I get to perform their work! I am really enjoying the Nacho piece because it is not just about the dancing... it is more about being a person and telling a story in a beautiful way. The music is all in spanish but is song by a women with a wonderful voice and the movement is so fluid yet strong, and literal yet magical! It is great! I am excited to get back into the studio tomorrow!
Well it is off to bed again... all I do here is dance and sleep but what is new right!!!! Hopefully my body wont be as sore tomorrow morning... wishful thinking... just maybe! LOL
Love,
Jules
Today we started with a Horton Class (Modern) which as I told you is intense on the core... so first thing in the morning I wasn't sure how it was going to go but it went well! I am really trying to get details details on everything I do here... whether it be the eye focus, the body positioning, the initiation because I want to go away from this havig really learnt so much that it is not just in my head but it is also in my muscle memory. That way I will be able to apply it to everything I do when I leave Spain.
We started rehearsal for our final performance today. It is crazy how things work out... when I say that I wasnt in one of the pieces that I wanted to be in I was a little disappointed this morning. But after going to the rehearsals ( I am in two pieces) I realised that I am actually in two pretty historical pieces! One by George Balanchine and the other by Nacho Duato.... for those none dancers they are two amazing men in the dance world! And I cant believe I get to perform their work! I am really enjoying the Nacho piece because it is not just about the dancing... it is more about being a person and telling a story in a beautiful way. The music is all in spanish but is song by a women with a wonderful voice and the movement is so fluid yet strong, and literal yet magical! It is great! I am excited to get back into the studio tomorrow!
Well it is off to bed again... all I do here is dance and sleep but what is new right!!!! Hopefully my body wont be as sore tomorrow morning... wishful thinking... just maybe! LOL
Love,
Jules
Monday 4 July 2011
Day 1 = 7 hours of dancing = DEAD
So its the end of day 1 and I am super tired... I forgot how much it takes to dance 7 hours in one day!!! Its crazy! But all in all the day went pretty okay.
We started out with a ballet class all together, which was really crowded... almost forty of us AND IT WAS ALL IN SPANISH!!!!! I have never had to focus so much in a ballet class! But the teacher was really nice and I am excited to have him again. I kind of fell into my little save bubble space dancing today... I guess it was because everyone was saying: "You are from Juilliard! OMG" and that just made me think that they were expecting so much from me and I wasnt sure if I could deliver. I mean, it wasnt the best ballet class that I have done in my life... but considering I havent really danced danced in quite sometime it was as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just need to let go of people's expectations (as is usually my problem) and just soak up as much as I can while I am here. Kazuko (my teacher who runs the program) told me she could see my in my bubble and that she doesnt want to see that anymore because she knows that I am very capable... so tomorrow I will leave burst through the bubble! (POP! :) )
After ballet we had contemporary class, which was more of a horton class... and for those you who don't know what horton is it is an incredibly intense from of modern that works you core to the bone!!!! But it is also quite fun because it plays greatly with rhythm and syncopation... which means we dance to interesting and energetic music! Then it was lunch time! Thank goodness... since we hadnt eaten anything since 8 am and it was now 2:30pm!!! and after lunch it was back to the dance studio for an audition for choreography. Auditions are not my favourite thing but I tried to treat it just like a class and ask questions and try to gather as many corrections that I could to execute the movement the way the choreographer wanted it. We wont know what dances were are in until tomorrow morning so I'll let you know what I will be up to in my next blog.
The last dance class for the day was Spanish Dance and in an hour we managed to cover four different types of spanish dance... all of which I can't name for your because my brain was already so fried!! But it was nice to do something new and different for a change and to experience some of the culture here. Finally we had Spanish Language class that was taught completely in Spanish... CAN I SAY LOST!!!!!!!!! lol I was pretty much lost but I could still pick up some words... Hopefully as the days go by some more stuff will come back to me. For now I am making great use of my hands and holding on tight to my dictionary and phrase book! LOL
Well my day starts even earlier tomorrow so I am off to bed now! I hope you are all doing well! :)
Love,
Jules
We started out with a ballet class all together, which was really crowded... almost forty of us AND IT WAS ALL IN SPANISH!!!!! I have never had to focus so much in a ballet class! But the teacher was really nice and I am excited to have him again. I kind of fell into my little save bubble space dancing today... I guess it was because everyone was saying: "You are from Juilliard! OMG" and that just made me think that they were expecting so much from me and I wasnt sure if I could deliver. I mean, it wasnt the best ballet class that I have done in my life... but considering I havent really danced danced in quite sometime it was as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just need to let go of people's expectations (as is usually my problem) and just soak up as much as I can while I am here. Kazuko (my teacher who runs the program) told me she could see my in my bubble and that she doesnt want to see that anymore because she knows that I am very capable... so tomorrow I will leave burst through the bubble! (POP! :) )
After ballet we had contemporary class, which was more of a horton class... and for those you who don't know what horton is it is an incredibly intense from of modern that works you core to the bone!!!! But it is also quite fun because it plays greatly with rhythm and syncopation... which means we dance to interesting and energetic music! Then it was lunch time! Thank goodness... since we hadnt eaten anything since 8 am and it was now 2:30pm!!! and after lunch it was back to the dance studio for an audition for choreography. Auditions are not my favourite thing but I tried to treat it just like a class and ask questions and try to gather as many corrections that I could to execute the movement the way the choreographer wanted it. We wont know what dances were are in until tomorrow morning so I'll let you know what I will be up to in my next blog.
The last dance class for the day was Spanish Dance and in an hour we managed to cover four different types of spanish dance... all of which I can't name for your because my brain was already so fried!! But it was nice to do something new and different for a change and to experience some of the culture here. Finally we had Spanish Language class that was taught completely in Spanish... CAN I SAY LOST!!!!!!!!! lol I was pretty much lost but I could still pick up some words... Hopefully as the days go by some more stuff will come back to me. For now I am making great use of my hands and holding on tight to my dictionary and phrase book! LOL
Well my day starts even earlier tomorrow so I am off to bed now! I hope you are all doing well! :)
Love,
Jules
Sunday 3 July 2011
Jet lagged but excited for tomorrow!
A new adventure started on June 30th, 2011!
The trip to London was long... delayed by more than an hour and then immigration took quite sometime... then I had to wait on another bus since I had missed the two previous ones... but all that stress went away when the bus pulled into the station in Oxford and I saw Jams waiting for me! In fact she had gotten there at exactly the same time the bus pulled up! Talk about perfect timing! (Everything for a reason)
Even though I had slept most of the train ride and all of the bus ride I was still so tired and pretty much slept away my first day in Oxford... Sorry Jams! But once I got to see a bit of the area close to Jams and then we went out for Bob's Birthday and a quaint little pub. And then it was back to bed so that we could get up and go have breakfast at the Carmichael's!!!!!!!!!!! YUMMMMMMMM is all I have to say to that breakfast! Uncle Pedro is one mean chef!! :)
What is nice, but also a bit annoying, about this side of the world is that the sun doesn't go down until after 9pm!!!! Nice- because you can really make full use of a day (like Saturday when we went down to Central London to get some last minute things). Annoying- because you end up staying up/out way longer than you usually would and then you are super tired! I guess this means that I have to give myself a tight schedule so that I can wake up on time and get a good night's sleep!
So I have finally made it to Spain! It is now 6:34 in Spain, and I haven't done much all day- it's nice to have a day off before our crazy schedule starts tomorrow morning with breakfast at 7:30am! I am kind of nervous about tomorrow... I dont really know anyone, I havent taken a real dance class in weeks, and there is always that question in my head of my ability... but never the less I'll be in the dance studio tomorrow morning and all I can ask of myself is to give of my best under my current circumstances. Hopefully I will quickly get back into shape and the grove of things and most of all learn and have fun over these next 4 weeks here in Spain!
I still cant believe I am actually here... and then I hear spanish all around me and I realise ok this is real and I need to learn spanish asap!!!!!!
Until the next blogging time!
Love Jules
Even though I had slept most of the train ride and all of the bus ride I was still so tired and pretty much slept away my first day in Oxford... Sorry Jams! But once I got to see a bit of the area close to Jams and then we went out for Bob's Birthday and a quaint little pub. And then it was back to bed so that we could get up and go have breakfast at the Carmichael's!!!!!!!!!!! YUMMMMMMMM is all I have to say to that breakfast! Uncle Pedro is one mean chef!! :)
What is nice, but also a bit annoying, about this side of the world is that the sun doesn't go down until after 9pm!!!! Nice- because you can really make full use of a day (like Saturday when we went down to Central London to get some last minute things). Annoying- because you end up staying up/out way longer than you usually would and then you are super tired! I guess this means that I have to give myself a tight schedule so that I can wake up on time and get a good night's sleep!
I still cant believe I am actually here... and then I hear spanish all around me and I realise ok this is real and I need to learn spanish asap!!!!!!
Until the next blogging time!
Love Jules
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